POLITICAL CORRECTNESS FOR TEENAGERS
No one fails a class anymore, he's merely "passing impaired."
You don't have detention, you're just one of the "exit delayed."
Your bedroom isn't cluttered, it's just "passage restrictive."
These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically declined."
Your locker isn't overflowing with junk, it's just "closure prohibitive."
Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social speed bumps."
Your homework isn't missing, its just having an "out-of-notebook experience."
You're not sleeping in class, you're "rationing consciousness."
You're not late, you just have a "rescheduled arrival time."
You're not having a bad hair day, you're suffering from "rebellious follicle syndrome."
You don't have smelly gym socks, you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."
No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."
You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."
You don’t talk a lot. You're just "abundantly verbal."
You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."
You're not being sent to the principal’s office. You're "going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building."
It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy transmission of near-factual information."
The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."
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Bonus Joke:
A teenager is...
... a person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number
... a weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast
... a youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday
... someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room
... a whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed
... a student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver's license
.... a connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music--loud and very loud
... an enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes
... a young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother
.... a romantic who never falls in love more than once a week
... a budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off
... a boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing
... an original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.